Misery
by Jezzi1996
Summary: Naruto and Sakura were just friends. With benefits. But everything changes fast when Naruto decides to be an overprotective idiot. What will happen to the two lovers? Will the two ever be happy? Will I ever stop asking stupid questions? M to be safe!


Misery by Maroon 5

A NarutoXSakura fanfiction

_**Oh yeah **_

_**Oh yeah **_

NARUTO'S POV:

The day began as any other. I saw Sakura, and she ignored me. This was how things worked. We were just friends, she insisted, and could never be anything more than that.

_**So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend **_

_**I wrote two hundred letters I will never send**_

So many god damned times I tried to change her mind. I reminded her I would wait, understanding what Sasuke did to her; of how she's turned down every other man in Konoha who asked her out and those she hasn't are too old, young, or are in a committed relationship; that when people are _fucking_ on an almost daily basis, that usually means they are also in a relationship.

I had so many ideas, how to get her to at least go on a date with me, how to make her admit to the emotion I could see in her eyes when we were alone, but I knew none would work. Because Sakura would only fight me harder if I tried to make her do something she didn't want to.

_**Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem **_

_**You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them bleed-**_

What we did varied based on her mood. Sometimes she was a submissive little angel, other times I was her plaything. But it was best when we fought for power, leaving a wake of destruction and oftentimes blood. As soon as we were done, Sakura would start healing only the more obvious injuries (to conserve chakra), and cover up the rest. She always offered to heal up mine, but I liked having them for as long as possible. It made what we had feel real longer.

_**So let me be and I'll set you free**_

_**Oh yeah I am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me**_

_**Oh yeah why won't you answer me? The silence is slowly killing me oh yeah**_

Sometimes I thought I would be happier if we just stopped this secretly fucking-nearly-every-night/friends with benefits thing that we had. But then I would realize that to have loved and been completely ignored (in a romantic sense, at least) was better than to have never loved at all- or some bullshit like that. After all, with Sakura, I'll take whatever I can get. So if that means she'll never genuinely open up to me, that she'll call off this whole arrangement the instant she finds a man she would want to be in a relationship with, I'll learn to deal with it.

But things changed pretty damn fast in my mind, when my daily cover-up for what happens between us at night/genuine plea of asking her out for a date went differently. Normally, she'd just downright say no. Maybe a quick smack to the head and a reminder that was none too welcome of how she could never see me that way. But today, she just stared at me, as if she was torn. I could see the two parts of her warring behind her beautiful eyes- now if only I knew what caused the conflict.

Most of me felt that it was because she, somewhere deep down inside, wanted to go on a date with me. But there was still that small part of me, probably created by my fucked up childhood, which feared abandonment. That whispered in the dark corners of my mind, 'She's thinking of stopping this. She sees you're getting attached. She doesn't want to lead you on, so she's trying to come up with a way to let you down easy. Why would she want to go on a date with YOU?' And after she stared at me for another minute, she just ran. Like a bat out of hell.

_**Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad**_

_**I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back-**_

Holy shit. Holy freaking shit. Holy motherfucking shit. It just ran around in my head, an endless loop of shock. That certainly never happened before. Holy shit. I just numbly walked towards Ichiraku's, barely even noticing Konohamaru running over spouting some crap about his latest infatuation. It's not that I didn't care; it's just that I had my own pressing matters to attend to. I had to figure out what I was going to do about Sakura. At this point, after what I just saw- the pain in her eyes as two conflicting desires battled, the only option I could see that wouldn't hurt her would be to just end this. If I really cared about Sakura, I had to end this.

_**Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine**_

_**The way it feels to be completely intertwined**_

But then she showed up at my apartment, as usual, and she looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her. And then instead of just stripping right down (the faster we're done, the better- less suspicion of where Sakura disappears off to in the middle of night), she slowly walked over to me, and requested something she'd never asked for before.

"Naruto," she whispered, "I want you to make love to me. Now." And THEN she slowly began stripping. I was at a loss for words at this point. What did she ask me? But I would always do whatever she told me, so I did as I was told. And fuck, it was quite possibly the most incredible experience I ever had. But all the same, I had to end this.

"Sakura, I probably should have said this before, but-" I didn't think I could finish. My body wouldn't let me. I didn't want to. But then I saw her face, saw her beautiful eyes, which I caused to be marred by pain earlier. And my resolve was back, stronger than ever, "hey, at least I got one last night out of my cowardice. Listen Sakura, I- I think it would be best if- if we didn't continue with this. Don't get me wrong, I _loved_ this arrangement, but I think someone's going to get hurt. And I wouldn't be able to stand myself if it were you who got hurt."

_**Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know**_

_**It's not what I didn't feel it's what I didn't show-**_

SAKURA'S POV:

I turned and left. Didn't even say goodnight. I didn't trust my voice. I was going to tell him I loved him, and then he tells me he doesn't want me anymore? And then he tells me he's worried someone's going to get hurt- that's pure bullshit. If he doesn't want me anymore, he should just tell me. Maybe if I had told him sooner, this wouldn't have happened. But he only asked me out as a cover-up, so it's not like I could have taken him up on his offer.

I asked him to make love to me- honestly, shouldn't that have been enough of a hint to how I felt? Sasuke fucked me up pretty bad, emotionally. I just wasn't as comfortable with admitting my feelings as I used to be. Naruto had said at one point that he would wait, that he understood the damaged caused by Sasuke- but now when I'm finally ready; he's dumping me like last week's trash. How long had he been thinking about this? I bet it was when he saw me tonight. I saw the way his eyes widened slightly when he saw me. I was a mess, and had spent the previous hour crying after I realized the reason I hesitated today was because I genuinely wanted him to be serious, so that I could say yes. Because I loved him, and even if that meant ramen every day for lunch for the rest of my life, I would do it. Because I wanted nothing more than to spend every possible second with him, whether we spent it just sitting together in silence, or sneaking off to some dark alley because we felt like 'relieving some tension'.

_**So let me be and I'll set you free**_

_**I am in misery there ain't no line that could comfort me oh yeah**_

_**Why won't you answer me the silence is slowly killing me**_

So I went home, ran to my bedroom, locked my door (I shared an apartment with

Ino, and she liked to bust into my room to wake me up by jumping on my bed), and collapsed on my bed. And then the waterworks started. I burst into tears, thankfully silent ones, and stayed like that until I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of Ino banging on my door.

"Oi, forehead! Wake up! Come on! You promised you'd let me buy you some NICE clothes so that you can finally get yourself a man! Wake up or I bust down your door!" I went to rub my eyes and discovered my face was still wet- even in my sleep I didn't stop crying. When I opened my door, Ino shrieked in what I can only assume was pure horror. "Sakura! What happened to you? Oh my god! Who did this to you? Tell me now so I can go kick their ass! No, if they messed you up this bad, I'll kill them!"

"It's fine, Pig. Just an awful dream. Let's go get the stupid clothes." It was just my luck that I would run into Naruto while I was out with Ino. And it would be when I didn't have Ino as a buffer.

"Hey Sakura. You look nice today. What are you doing just standing around by yourself?" Bullshit. That was the best way to describe what he just said- and, unfortunately, how I actually looked. My eyes weren't puffy anymore, but my hair was a mess, my eyes had dark circles from not getting enough sleep, and they looked hollow. Naruto didn't look so great either. Kind of like he was sick. He looked extremely tired and deathly pale.

"Shopping with Ino. Apparently, the clothes I have will never help me 'get myself a man,' and I'm Ino's new charity case. She's not even letting me pay."

"Well I always thought your clothes made you look stunning, Sakura. Most gorgeous kunoichi in all of Fire Country."

"While I appreciate your attempts at lying so I don't feel like some creature from the black lagoon, I am very aware of how awful I look. You probably shouldn't be overexerting yourself, Naruto, you look sick. You should head home and get some rest. I'll come to check on you later, okay?

_**Oh girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad **_

_**I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back **_

NARUTO'S POV:

I saw Sakura today. She looked- different. Like she was empty. But I couldn't have done that, no way. Sakura didn't care about me like that. Something bad must have happened. Something not related to me. I guess I must have looked pretty messed up, because she thought I looked sick. I felt sick, seeing Sakura like that. My stomach rumbled, but it had been doing that all morning so I paid it no mind. I headed back to my apartment, lost in my own little world of misery. I couldn't think of anything that could have happened between last night, when she seemed fine, and now, when she looked like a walking corpse (the most beautiful corpse anyone had ever seen, all the same) which would cause her to look this bad. As I approached my apartment the part of my mind that still thought Sakura cared about me, that little optimistic part of my mind that was the reason I made it out of my childhood without being like Gaara, offered again the only option I couldn't bear to hear: that she was like this because of me.

But it didn't make sense. Or maybe I didn't want it to make sense. Because if she did really get hurt by me, I don't think I could live with myself. And that would also mean that she wanted to be with me, and I probably permanently blew any and all chances to be with her. Fuck. I could try and get her back, but what good would that do? By now I was home, lying in bed waiting for Sakura to come. When she got here; I'd try and make things right. Tell her everything, and beg for to take me back. Get on my knees and beg like the worthless trash I am.

_**You say your faith is shakin' you may be mistaken **_

_**Keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun**_

By the time Sakura got to my apartment, about an hour later, my stomach was aching. The growling got louder and louder, but I paid it no mind. There was no point, and the pain from that just mixed with everything else, starting to drag me into the darkness. Then Sakura came in, and I remembered what I had to do. I pulled myself up, and began my plea.

"Oh God, Sakura, I didn't mean what I said last night- there is only one thing I want more than to be with you in any and every way possible. Please, please, PLEASE take me back. Oh, God, please- I'm begging you- I'll get down on my knees and beg and plead if you'll just take me back; I- I- please, God, please just take me back!" I think it was about then that I thought I was going to burst into tears.

"Naruto, I'm sorry. But I can't. Oh God, I want to. I want to be with you forever and never be without you, but I can't. Not now. We both know how bad Sasuke fucked me up, and then the wounds are finally almost healed, and I'm ready to tell you I love you, and then you cut me open all over again. Only now the wounds are deeper. So maybe eventually something can happen, but- but it can't be now. I'm sorry." And with that, she left. And then I really did burst into tears.

I didn't sleep that night. Or the next. It was the same every night, and Kakashi noticed when we were training a week later. He sent me straight to Tsunade, who yelled at me for nearly a half an hour straight. Apparently I had lost most of my body fat along with not sleeping. She ranted on and on about how malnourishment and insomnia were a dangerous combination for anyone, and even more so when that person was a ninja. She sent me home and told me I would not train or receive any missions until I started taking better care of myself. But she didn't understand. I wanted to eat, wanted to sleep, but food had no taste and sleep only led to fitful nightmares- just visions of the same horrifying things, over and over again until I woke up, sweaty, screaming, and crying.

_**I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you **_

_**I'm getting there; I don't care where I have to run-**_

SAKURA'S POV:

Naruto didn't show up for training today. It was the first day we were supposed to be training as a team since- since the incident. So when Kakashi showed up (late, as usual) I asked him if he knew where Naruto was.

"Now Sakura, don't freak out. Tsunade's not letting him do anything until he's better."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with Naruto?"

"He's not doing so well. Tsunade says he's not eating, not sleeping, and not even trying to get better. She goes by his apartment every day to check on him, and whenever she asks him what happened, he just mumbles something about deserving this." So I bolted. I ran home, and as soon as I was in the door, I broke. Worse than I did over Sasuke, worse than when Naruto called off our arrangement. I had meant to make it to my room before this happened, but the few little strings holding me together snapped. I tried to be quiet, Ino was supposed to get back from her mission today and I wasn't sure if she was here yet, but I couldn't. Loud sobs racked my body as I sat there in a ball on my floor. And that was how Ino found me.

"Oh my God! Sakura! What happened to you? And don't give me that 'Just an awful dream' crap you gave me last time. Because there's no way in hell that you were just asleep." She looked terrified, and if I saw myself, I'd probably be terrified too. And Ino didn't deserve that any more than Naruto deserved what he's been going through. So I told her everything. Why I was always missing in the middle of the night, why I was so upset the morning of our shopping trip, what happened afterwards, and what Naruto's doing to himself. By the time I was done, I was out of tears and out of energy. But I knew what I was going to do after I woke up. I was going to fix things, once and for all.

_**Why do you do what you do to me, yeah **_

_**Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah**_

_**Why do you do what you do to me, yeah **_

_**Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah-**_

I wanted to go visit Naruto, but apparently, Tsunade was pretty damn worried about him. Neji and Shikamaru, now ANBU, were taking turns watching him to make sure he didn't try anything funny. They were told not to let anyone in without permission from Tsunade, something about being very careful what kind of interaction he had. So I had to go to Tsunade to get written permission. But for that, I had to be very, _very_, specific about why I wanted to visit. Not even Kakashi or any of the other members of rookie nine or Gai's team had reasons important enough for her to let them visit Naruto. She wanted him to focus completely on recovery.

So I said I wanted to apologize to Naruto and tell him I was wrong. But that wasn't good enough. So then I said that I was wrong about not loving him and that I needed to let him know. THAT wasn't good enough, either. Tsunade gave me a look that said if I didn't tell her all the details, I wasn't getting anywhere near him. So I had to tell her everything. EVERYTHING. I was expecting Tsunade to yell at me, to tell me this was all my fault. I certainly wasn't expecting her to write me a note saying it was okay for me to visit Naruto, and hand it to me with a smile.

When I got back with my note, Shikamaru let me in, happy to see that Naruto would be getting a visitor. "Naruto?" I called. I didn't want to be too loud, in case Naruto had finally fallen asleep. Those hopes were dashed when he responded.

"Sakura? What are you doing here?" I found him standing in his bedroom, and what I saw will never leave me, haunting me for the rest of my life. Naruto looked gaunt, and his face was pale, with dark rims under his eyes. I felt like I was about to vomit, knowing this was my fault.

"Tsunade said you weren't eating or sleeping and I was worried about you. And, I was worried you were doing this because of what I said. It had better not be, because if that's what this is all about, I'm sorry but that's just stupid."

_**I am in misery there ain't no line that could comfort me Oh yeah**_

_**Why won't you answer me, your silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah-**_

NARUTO'S POV:

Stupid? She thinks what happened to me is stupid? She thinks not being able to eat or sleep is stupid? "Honestly, Naruto, I thought you cared about yourself enough not to do this. Just because I'm a big baby now doesn't mean I don't want to be with you _ever_! And if you end up killing yourself because you won't eat or sleep, I'll never get a chance to be with you! I- I- goddamnit, Naruto, I love you! So stop doing this to yourself! Tsunade's clearly been too soft on you because if I were the one in charge of you, I would have just force fed you and knocked you out! You need to look at yourself, Naruto, because you're just not healthy and it's scaring me! You- If you won't take care of yourself for your own sake, please, for the love of God, take care of yourself for _me_!" I was speechless. That was not what I expected. Nor was Sakura bursting into tears. Fuck. I had absolutely no idea what to do. She probably wouldn't want me getting anywhere near her, but lately my gut had been so wrong I figured I should do the exact opposite of what it told me to do. So I crossed the incredibly small space between us, and held her. I just stood there and let her cry into my chest. And beat it- she kept punching me in the chest, hard enough to hurt. I would probably have had several fist-shaped bruises if it weren't for the kyuubi's chakra healing me. And when Sakura finally ran out of tears, she fell asleep, standing up, leaning on my chest. So acting on instinct, I placed her on my bed, and lay down beside her so she could finish venting when she woke up.

_**Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad **_

_**I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back **_

_**Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad **_

_**I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back **_

_**Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad**_

The next thing I knew, it was bright out- even though I knew for a fact it was late evening when Sakura came over. But not even early morning bright- this was middle-of-the-afternoon, 'What the Hell Are You Doing with Your Life, Only Waking Up Now?' bright. I just couldn't help the groan that escaped me as I opened my eyes to the offensive light.

"Well hello there, sleepyhead. Then again, I suppose having insomnia for two weeks will do that to you." There was Sakura, in the same clothes as yesterday, leaning on the doorframe of my bedroom.

"Does what to you?"

"Makes you sleep for over 24 hours straight. You had me worried at first- you were breathing, but absolutely nothing I did woke you up. Banging pots and pans, threatening to go find a random stranger to fuck, threatening to fuck you up, a couple things that I'm pretty sure can be considered rape since you were asleep, nothing worked! So I got Neji, and he got Tsunade, and she said you'd be fine- your body just needed to recover from not getting any sleep." Damn. So those were the same clothes as _two days ago?_ "I hope you don't mind that I've been staying here- when I got back from getting Neji, you looked like you were having a nightmare. But as soon as I sat down next to you again, you calmed right down. So I stayed, because you needed sleep. I needed sleep. We needed each other." And then my stomach rumbled. And for the first time in two weeks, I really felt hungry. And man, did I feel hungry. Sakura giggled, and dear lord, it was the most beautiful sound I've heard in a _long_ time. "Do you want ramen? I know you'll probably eat a lot, but my treat anyway. Besides- you'll probably get a discount, seeing as how everyone's been worried about you."

"You know Sakura, this is going to sound like bullshit, but ramen has literally _never_ sounded more appealing to me than it does right now. And I don't know if it's because it's been about two and a half weeks since I last ate, or if it's because I get to eat the ramen with you, but I don't really care."

"I'd say it's probably a combination of the two. After all- it's not every day that you get to go on a first date with a girl who loves you just as much as you love her."


End file.
